Confession Tuesday

I am going to give this confessional thing a whirl. I cannot swear that I will be faithful to it every week, but I want to give it a try.

First of all, let me confess that I am totally and 100% using time to write this that I should be spending on writing National Board Teacher Certification stuff. It has to be postmarked on March 31st. Just saying March 31st gives me heart palpitations. I feel an anxiety attack coming on as we speak.

Secondly, my daughter has an interview today for a position as a docent at a local museum, and I am so totally jealous. Last Friday I took one of my American Lit classes to see a Gordon Parks exhibit at a different local museum. Oh my how I needed that! Besides the students who were so totally and wonderfully behaved, I thoroughly enjoyed my time there. I just adore photography anyway, but his work is just masterful. Spending time wandering the halls from photo to photo lost in thought was WAY overdue for me. After being in the throws of work, work, work I needed time to reflect on the beauty of a little art. Mr. Parks exhibit was just the reminder I needed about the beautiful things in life, and how I need to be more appreciative of the blessings in my life.

Because I have had such a difficult year thus far, I have had little time to dedicate to exercise. This neglect, of course, makes everything worse. It makes me feel lousy, gain a few pounds, and contribute to the decline of my health. This is a difficult thing for me to address. I, frankly, spend very little time for myself. Any working mother knows this dichotomy...I would rather spend the "free" time that I have doing something with the kids or with Tom. Spending time for myself seems like a waste. I truthfully need to reflect on this and strive to spend at least a little more time taking care of myself. That youthful invincibility that we all seem to have as young people is waning, and I am staring hard at 40.

My last confession is a realization to which I have come in recent days, and it is one in which I am resolute. I have a strong tendency to take on way too many responsibilities...I have difficulty saying "no." I am just beginning to learn to limit my obligations. I have resigned from several professional organizations for which I held board positions. I have decided that I will not participate in any "extra" activities for my career in the next two years. I am not going to take any classes unless I find something that is totally for fun. (I would really like to take Spanish...I took French in high school and college, and my girls both speak Spanish fairly well) My oldest two children will be needing help with preparing for college before very long, and I want to be sure to have the time to dedicate to their needs. Applying to college these days is practically a full time job. I feel as though my brain needs a break, and that my balance is not appropriate. For what seems as eternity I have been in school myself. I finished undergrad and grad school. I began work on my Ph. D. and have been working on National Board Cert. all the while working full time and having a family. I think that it is time that I consider a break. My husband needs it. My kids need it...and I think that I really need it. I am disappointed in myself in many ways, but I do not have but so many days on this earth. I have recently been reevaluating how I have been spending them, and I think that I need to prioritize a few things.

Ok...I feel better. Even just stating all of that makes me feel better...especially that last one. It's one thing to think it, but another to say it aloud (or put it in writing.) I hope that I am able to do this on a weekly basis. Lord knows, I have plenty to confess! :)